Santa's little helper

The elves are coming early this year little boys and girls... well, at least their shoes are. Maybe this is the universe's way of telling me what to be for Halloween. Er. Yes, this little gem got wedged behind the ironing board - apparently since last winter and it has a new hip-for-the-holidays shape.

Have I mentioned lately how grand Manhattan living is? I could not love my spacious - nay cavernous - home and more. Ahm, yes, complete with a walk-in closet with plenty of room for boots. (ha ha. joke's on me. I don't even have a walk in kitchen for heaven's sake!)

Last tennis game until Tuesday this morning. Had fun hitting around with a new partner! The weather is perfect. I will miss this until next week. I leave tomorrow for a quick jaunt to Geneva and Barcelona to celebrate little Sisky's 30th! Photos to follow...

Bake for 45 minutes at 350

So three and a half hours of tennis yesterday have landed me in the land of sore feet. And sore everything else. And after a small (or not so small) lecture from my coach, I am humbly back on track with my lessons. I got a great reward yesterday morning when I ran to my lesson (YES! I ran!) and ran into an old friend from college who was running in the park and who is meeting me for a game in the morning! A fun treat.

My coach last night gave me the lecture. I was so tired and frustrated that I really heard (and hurt). You rrrush. You try to move too fast, too hard, You trying to cook something that takes 45 minutes but open the oven every five minutes. Is it done? Is it done? Is it done? And it's true. I am used to being able to pick something up quickly and this is not a quick pick up. And neither is THE THING. This is a process and it changes all the time. I have become ridiulously competitive and fiercly impatient. That doesn't serve me at all. I am so thankful today for lessons from the universe.

Made for Walking

These boots were made for walking... and that's just what they'll do - unless they go hooking, because they sort of look like they were made for that too. Perhaps it is better to stick to sneaks for walking. Growing up in the South, I never would have thought I would call them sneakers. But now that I am a big tennis legend (in my own mind), I can't really call them tennis shoes anymore because those are something different. I suppose if I need to be all technical about it, I walk in running shoes. Ohhhh the irony, the confusion.

Big thanks to Carrie for helping me steer back on track this week. A good walk and talk in Central Park on a cool, fall evening got me turned around. Have walked each day since. Will walk today. Will tennis with Jen tomorrow (another savior and inspiration). And walk. And will walk in the mornings with Miss Carrie next week. My friends have been such a blessing in this. IN so many ways, supportive, funny, encouraging me to be more active, giving sweet (if possible untrue) compliments. I will be glad when the process is over. (The most gigantic understatement ever!) If for no other reason, to rid myself of the feeling that I burden my friends - with worry, with fear, with food, with withdrawal, with weakness. Yes, I will be glad to be done. I dragged my feet for a bit but am now surely committed (obsessively committed) to 20 pounds by 12/22/06. It can be done. Goooo boots (a small variation on whoaaaa boot, CLK).

Raging

Today is one of those awful days. I don't know what triggers it and am equally clueless about how to turn it around. I am sad, furious, empty, and hot.
I found this picture (among many others) over the weekend and just rage and collapse when I realize what I have allowed me to do to ME. And I am still doing it. Dear Smiley, what did it feel like to have a waist? Oh really, can't remember? Of course not. Bitter old loser.
Trying to refocus. Unsuccessfully so far.

The next project...

is underway. In addition to fixing myself (on and off track on this. Today happens to be on)...I am making something verrry important. :) Silk, sewing, ribbons. I have had two fabulously fun and creative weekends in a row. I feel so much more like myself when I am creating something. Even something little.

three sheets

Well, ya don't say! Had a couple of drinks, eh?
Mayyybe.

Pimp Mamas.

Hollow Dreaming

Do you ever wake up just feeling hollow? I often wonder if I am alone in this. I wake up and just lie there waiting. It's like I become empty during the night and morning finds me just a shell, waiting for something to occupy the space. A hermit crab? Clouds? Cotton candy? I always try to figure out if it is something phsyiological. I usually come up with yes and no for answers to that... This may be part of why I eat. To fill the void. And I think that must be non-physical. I think it is loneliness. I heard someone say once that New York's biggest irony is how lonely one can be in a city so densely populated. I don't go to bed lonely. I don't think about it. I don't notice that I feel it. And then I wake up and SCOOP. I am all scooped out.

Scarfing

Getting into sewing these days. Maybe Project Runway is contagious. Or maybe I just got totally hooked when I went to the BEST fabric store in the whole world! Wow. I am getting ready to undertake a big and important labor of love so have to practice. Normally, scarf applies to the way I eat. A-ha. (he hee.) This time it is about a scarf. This is turquoise background with brown velvet burnout. It's fun to be creative. I have missed it. Tomorrow I have a day of painting and sewing lined up and am really looking forward to it.

Also, since the creative juices are flowing, I have thought of what I want on the wall in my new bedroom. My friend, the recently degreed interior decorator will do tan and pink and I want either a huge photo of or a shadow box containing pink feather angel wings. I realize how it sounds but it will be good. You know me, a little wacky. But in a good way. :)

Fall weather RULES. This week I may be brave enough to start writing about real stuff again...

EAT THIS

Why is it so complicated for me? Just insert into open mouth. Chew. Swallow.

Struggling this week. So many thoughts/feelings swishing around there isn't even a good way to write about them. I hope it's just the gray weather doing this.

Looking forward to tennis on Friday night. Two hours. Fingers crossed for cooperative weather.

Let us eat lettuce. Gooood grief!

Sky Mirror

Ah, the crisp (seemingly) clean fall air is getting me back in the groove. I am (finally) sleeping, eating right again, and chilling out a little. Overall, a happy report. I saw the Sky Mirror this weekend. The day was sunny and perfect. This is Rockefeller Center and the sky...beautiful and such a cool idea. Sunshine and fall weather is the best combo!

Now planning the trip for little Sister's birthday bash. Deciding now between Paris and Barcelona - oh, and which bank to rob to adequately support the splurge.

New recipe idea: parmesan crisps with goat cheese mousse. YUM. You just sprinkle a little grated parm on a non-stick baking sheet so when they bake they flatten into "chips." Goat cheese (low fat preferred) and a little liquid - cream, milk, half and half, whichever you like - in the food processor with garlic or capers or salt or herbs until smooth. Then into a ziploc (redneck's pastry tube) to squirt onto crisps. Serve with Crudites. Hey! Not bad. Nutritious.

I know, the recipe isn't neaaarly as cool as the sky mirror.
Weight today: 269. Good grief. No progress. My fault. My mission. My power.