Cold as a...

you know what!

It's so cold that:

- your nose hairs instantly freeze into a clump when you step outside and take your first inhale

- all the dog pee and punk spit freezes to decorate the sidewalks with vile biological polka dots

- the girl on the train with the Guinness long nails had to tuck those scary hooks into convertible mittens. (Seriously, I had never seen the likes of these. They looked like sloth paws! When she got them in her mittens and they brushed/ clicked together, it sounded like a bunch of beetle exoskeletons in a burlap sack. Chills of many types ensued.)

- you can't feel your nose run

- everyone looks like a burglar

- we all daydream of spring in the park - all day

- I wear my Czech commie hat while working at home. Thank goodness my face didn't freeze like this!