Finding Peace

Yesterday I was consumed with the events in the Middle East. I am so sad for those affected - and the region - and wonder if there is a way to find peace. Any kind of peace.

I tried to relax and through the day, began to focus some on finding my own peace. This weekend was big for me (aside from my obsession with the "Crisis in the Middle East"). I spent most of it by myself. This is not new. What is new is the fact that I felt happy and occupied. This is a major discovery. I was full and I can't start to understand what has changed. I am working fast to digest it though because it is magic. Losing the weight and replacing it with confidence and an interest in spending some time with myself. I decided not to be afraid to confront the feelings that crawl all over me when I am alone. Insecurity. Terror. Sadness. Unworthiness. Shame. They are being slowly replaced, as I battle them, with curiosity, tiny flecks of tenderness, forgiveness, patience. Ever baby steps. And that's okay too.

I am so in love with my friends (including the ones related to me) today. I was thinking about each of them last night, what they are, what they give, what they accomplish. I am incredibly grateful to be surrounded by such a powerful and ceaseless support network. Feeling their love is helping me try to start seeing myself, for the first time, through their kinder eyes.

Weight today: 268
Happy Song of the Day: Friday I'm in Love by The Cure
Yummy meal idea: fat-free refried beans with salsa, avocado, a little light cheese and onions. I am a stinker but a healthier stinker.