Epiphinette

It's a small epiphany but an epiphany nonetheless. And for me, an astounding and tingly start...
Baby steps. I walk almost every day now. A quick trip to the gym then a long trip to the park. I try to get a few minutes of intermittent running in there too. My stamina is improving and so is my motivation. Today, for the first time, the tiniest positive thoughts began to arrive on their own. It was amazing, light, surprising, wispy. It was almost euphoric... I can't remember when I ever liked my body. I have spent hours before a mirror, shredding myself, cursing, torturing, analyzing, scrutinizing. Today, I felt the first inkling of what it will be like to LIKE my body. To be proud. I ran on dimply thighs, chubbed out knees, a flapping behind and in the midst, a glimmer. I liked what my dimply thighs could do, what my chubbed out knees and thick ankles could carry. My swollen and achy feet that were taking me where I need to go. I liked my body, not for what it looked like, but for what it can DO. It is powerful. And it can obey. I can focus on my tummy and it can get smaller. I can dedicate time to my arms, and they transform. It isn't instantaneous, of course (uh, by any means) but my body is no longer out of my control. I guess it never really was... but now I have harnessed what it means to KNOW that. And I know it. A blessing.